Who Won Fox’s Tuesday Night Comedy Block?

Fox’s Tuesday Night comedy block is 75% awesome. We will rank each show accordingly week by week.

3. Brooklyn Nine-Nine – The Bet

The opening scene for Brooklyn Nine-Nine was perhaps the best part of this episode. I love the idea of a horse named Sergeant Peanut Butter outshining (and outranking!) Boyle. The later references made me chuckle, and I’m hoping like Lil’ Sebastian before him, Sgt. Peanut Butter can become a recurring in-joke/ reference on the show.

Unfortunately, the rest of the show was not clicking tonight, which is a shame considering it just WON TWO GOLDEN GLOBES (What?) The bet that was set up in the Series Premiere comes to an end, and Jake wins with a last minute prostitution sting bust. If he lost, he would need to give Detective Santiago his car, but since he won, he gets to spend $1400 on taking her on an embarrassing date? Although he has just won possibly the most uneven bet in the world, he can’t help but celebrate.

It was a shame that the episode pairing Jake and Santiago was right on the heels of a great episode featuring him and Rosa working together. The chemistry between Jake and Rosa was so much stronger. I don’t think I can get behind this new ship.

The rest of the episode was full of comedy cliches, whether it was Captain Holt making things worse for  Sgt. Terry while trying to make things better, or the plot device of a character who for some reason can only tell the truth (Boyle.) I know plenty of people who have taken pain meds, and this is NOT a side effect.

C’mon Golden Globe winner Brooklyn Nine-Nine. You can do better.

2. New Girl – Basketball

Another week, another perfectly good but unexceptional episode of New Girl. Jess really wants to be friends with Coach, and all he wants to do is watch Detroit Pistons games. So she decides she will pretend to be a Pistons fan and bond with him through sports.

Butt Bump!

In reality Coach would have realized Jess knows nothing about basketball within the first 30 minutes of watching a game with her, but comedies don’t need to be realistic, and I liked the further development of their relationship. There were some genuinely funny moments between Nick and Jess when they were withholding sex from each other as well. Nick’s seduction techniques were on point, and I love how weird these two can be together.

The storyline revolving around Schmidt and Winston had some good comedy as well. I’m not really buying CeCe suddenly just being the bartender, and is Winston really going to just up and become a cop? Or is the joke going to be that he will have a different job every week? C’mon New Girl writers, Winston deserves better. The rivalry between Schmidt and Ed worked well, and I wouldn’t mind seeing Ed come back as a nemesis for Schmidt in later episodes.

Solid work New Girl.

1. The Mindy Project – L.A

It’s always funny when a show that is filmed in Los Angeles but set elsewhere (usually New York) has their characters go to L.A. for some reason. It’s like for the first time the director can shoot outdoor scenes and you just know they will try to take full advantage of it.

So the team will travel to LA for the Southland Injectable Conference. I’m not sure what OBGYN’s are doing injecting Botox into women (vaginal facelifts perhaps?) or why anybody from Mindy needs to get certified. Are gynecologists doing plastic surgery on the side now? I honestly don’t know. Seriously, somebody tell me. As someone who watched all eight seasons of Entourage with growing frustration, I did appreciate the references throughout. Although it is a shame there was no cameo from Jerry Ferrara. Instead, we got Kevin Smith, playing a bitter fat-shaming version of himself. Oh well.

The return of Anders Holm’s Casey to the show may be the real reason why Mindy won the week. His character always made me laugh, and I love his transformation from Pastor to a much more recognizable Ders from Workaholics. I respect that while this show is functioning as a comedy, it also has a forward moving plot. Whereas New Girl and Brooklyn Nine-Nine seemed to tread water this week, on The Mindy Project we saw Mindy and Cliff break up, and Danny reach out to his father. The jokes are often hit or miss, but this week there was more hit than miss and the emotions felt earned. Way to go Mindy, keep up the good work.

The Bachelor Season Premiere : Ranking All 27 Limo Introductions

This is the definitive ranking of the 27 Limo Introductions from the Season Premiere of the Bachelor. The first 9 girls were all eliminated on the first night.

27. Kylie – Ive been told that a pink dress with red hair is not a good look. Also, she walked up for a rose when Juan Pablo called someone else’s name.

26. Lauren H – She was clearly not emotionally ready to participate. Also, she makes this face.

25. Amy J –  She speaks in Spanish but so did a few other girls. No big.

24. Alexis – She was from Tampa, and also spoke Spanish. Same same.

23. Ashley – She’s a school teacher so she gives Juan Pablo a star. He is not impressed.

22. Lacy – She owns a nursing home, so she brought Juan Pablo “pills.” JP – Not a fan of Red Hots.

21. Maggie – She brought Juan Pablo a fishing hook, and made this awesome joke. I can’t imagine why she didn’t get a rose.

20. Valerie – She wore boots, she’s a cowgirl. Apparently not what JP is looking for.

19. Christine – She actually brought a cute present for his daughter, She deserved to stay.

And now on to the victors. These 18 girls got a rose and lived on to compete for Juan Pablo’s heart for another week.

18. Sharleen – Sharleen may actually be the worst. Not only did she not want to be there, but she is an Opera singer and SHE DIDN’T SING.

17. Amy L – She was the first one out of the limos, and although she didn’t have any props, she did open with a nice compliment

16. Cassandra – The most interesting thing about Cassandra is her job title – Former NBA Dancer. So she must be retired now?

15. Christy – What is in her hair? A headband? A tiara? Both?

14. Elise – She is from Forty Fort, Pennsylvania. There is a place called Forty Fort?

13. Victoria –  She is from Brazil, she speaks a little Spanish, he speaks a little Portuguese. The speaking Spanish thing is a little played but being exotic is a plus.

12. Danielle – She had a good strategy to ensure more face time. She said she had something to give him inside. It was a teddy bear for his daughter. Well played Danielle.

11. Nikki – She is a Pediatric Nurse so she brought a stethoscope and had him listen to her heart. Meh.

10. Renee –  She is a self described “Single Mommy” which is a pretty good connection to play.

9. Clare –  And speaking of single mommies, here comes a pregnant girl. Oh wait, it’s a joke. That’s just what every guy wants, a girl willing to fake a pregnancy….

8. Kat – She gets Juan Pablo to show her some Salsa dancing. Also, he called her name during the rose ceremony – NOT YOURS KYLIE GO HOME.

7. Chantel – How do you pronounce Chantel? Oh, that’s how – like Shhhh.

6. Lucy – Her job is “Free Spirit”, and Juan Pablo’s Reaction is priceless

5. Chelsie –  Chelsie is a Science teacher, she brings some lab equipment, hands it to him, and then throws it in the bushes – all for this line.

4. Alli– Sure, anyone could have brought a soccer ball, but how many girls were down to show up in a dress and CLEATS?! That’s dedication to the bit.

3. Lauren S – She rode up on a bike, that’s also a piano, playing music, that she composed. Whoa.

2. Andi – Andi was the last one out of the limos, but made the biggest impact on Juan Pablo. He was genuinely blown away by her beauty.

1. Molly – And the winner for Best Limo Introduction goes to Molly the dog. There may or may not have been a person named Kelly with her, I don’t remember.

5 Important Questions from The Bachelor: Countdown to Juan Pablo

1. Does this girl always jump around in her underwear?

I’m the MOST fun!

2. What is in all these awesome looking bowls of food (other than bananas?)

What time do we eat?

3. What is Juan Pablo’s job? He has Venezuelan baseball players sign memorabilia? What?

Hey sign these cleats bro

4. Does Juan Pablo always make his daughter dress identically to him?

Not weird at all

5. And most importantly, who are these girls flashing?

Fuck it, we’re not going to win anyways

Community 5.02: Introduction to Teaching

After watching these first two episodes I was reminded of something: Community is hilarious. I can’t remember laughing as much at any point last season as I did during this second episode. Everyone is on point, and the addition of Jonathan Banks is handled extremely well.

As expected, Jeff is immediately having a hard time adjusting to his new role as a teacher. Checking out female students and verbally abusing Leonard just doesn’t fly now that he’s in a position of power. Luckily he has his office mate Buzz Hickey, Criminology to show him the ropes. I can’t think of a more fitting subject for Mike Ehrmantraut to be teaching.

Jeff confesses to the group how lost he feels, and Abed signs up for a 2 day course called, “Nicholas Cage – Good or Bad?” – He’s always wanted to know.

Teaching! Yaaaaaaaaaaay!

Dramatic Professor Sean Garrity let’s Abed know that although he was able to definitely prove who the boss was (It’s Angela) there will be no such answer to the Nicholas Cage Conundrum.

Mr. Hickey shows Jeff the perks of being a teacher.  He get’s Leonard’s meatballs, has access to the Dean-free teacher lounge, and there is no need to plan a curriculum. Also, if you want to frustrate a student, give them an A-. Annie soon realizes Jeff’s plan to coast through teaching, and signs up for his class to keep him in check. It’s good to have you back Annie.

Abed goes full on Carrie Mathison trying to figure out if Nicholas Cage is good or bad, and Annie offers up the most logical explanation – Maybe Nicholas Cage is just… Crazy? This leads to Abed freaking out and invoking some of Cage’s best mannerisms.

Jeff wins an argument with Annie, and in doing so impresses the class, realizing he does want to teach. He finds Annie crying about an A- she received from Mr. Hickey. When Jeff confronts Hickey about giving a subpar grade to the best student in his class, he finds him working on a comic called Jim the Duck and wait now I really want to read more of this comic.

Every strip ends with Jim thinking, “What the Hell.”

Jeff reveals to Annie that minuses are made up, really an indication that a teacher doesn’t like a student, inciting a classic Greendale riot. You really don’t realize how much you miss a place until you see a spontaneous riot break out. I’m glad to have you back Greendalians. Even Magnitude is getting in on the action!

Post window-smashing Pop Pops are the BEST Pop Pops.

Shirley helps Abed realizes that, much like Jesus, or a Cenobite, Nicholas Cage can be both good and bad, a genius to some and a demon to others.

Meanwhile at Greendale, as chaos is erupting, and the students demand “Slightly Higher Grades!” Jeff stands up on a cafeteria table and gives a classic Winger speech about why everyone should get along. Only this time, he is received with a chorus of boos and handfuls of pasta. Although it is unrealistic to think that Greendale can eliminate riots completely, Dean Pelton believes they can be reduced by 40% through the creation of a student-teacher alliance with Jeff in charge. Thankfully for us viewers, Mr. Hickey joins the alliance. The episode ends with a touching inner-monologue from the Dean which is sung in French for some reason.

I am thrilled with how strong these first two episodes of Community have been. The ability to squeeze so many jokes into 22 minutes reminds me of the glory days of 30 Rock and Happy Endings. If these episodes are any indication of what the rest of the season will be like, than Community has a real shot of being the funniest TV show of 2014…. Too soon?