Bachelor

“The Bachelor” GIF Recap Week 3: Kicking Balls

This week – boats, soccer, bungee jumping, pool parties, and so much more! (Actually not that much more)

Chris Harrison, wearing a questionable shirt, shows up with the first “one on one” date invite

So Juan Pablo picks Cassandra up for the first date in this car

BUT WAIT THE CAR IS TOTALLY A BOAT

“I’m just going to trust him and jump in with him.” *Cringe*

And Juan Pablo teaches Cassandra how to dance
You would think a former NBA Dancer would know how to dance?

Cassandra gets the rose

Two girls get invited on a group date, but not these two

The group date is soccer-themed, because Juan Pablo used to play soccer, so obviously

And Team Red came to play

Sharleen has kind of a rough time

Juan Pablo and Andi shared an intimate kiss behind a concession stand

And there is a much more awkward kiss between him and Sharleen
This may be Sharleen’s first kiss ever

Ultimately Nikki gets the Group Date Rose

Chelsie gets the second “one on one” date

You cannot unsee this GIF

And Elise is like

Elise is 27 and Chelsie is 24. What a baby.
Chelsie attempts to car-dance on the way to her date
Author’s note: As a professional front seat car dancer this personally offends me

And after what seems like forever, Chelsie finally jumps off a bridge

And they share their first kiss
“I’ve never had a first kiss hanging upside down off a bridge” – Really Chelsie?

Chelsie gets the rose

The next morning Juan Pablo makes the girls breakfast and some of them are not having it

But Mama Renee doesn’t mind

They forego the cocktail party for a pool party

And Kelly has opinions about Kat

Cat has a mini-freakout before the rose ceremony

Remember – Cassandra, Nikki, and Chelsie are safe from elimination

And the roses go to….

Why do you think you got cut Christy?

And how are you feeling about it Lucy?

Until next week, please enjoy Juan Pablo endlessly spraying Champagne

5 Important Questions from The Bachelor: Countdown to Juan Pablo

1. Does this girl always jump around in her underwear?

I’m the MOST fun!

2. What is in all these awesome looking bowls of food (other than bananas?)

What time do we eat?

3. What is Juan Pablo’s job? He has Venezuelan baseball players sign memorabilia? What?

Hey sign these cleats bro

4. Does Juan Pablo always make his daughter dress identically to him?

Not weird at all

5. And most importantly, who are these girls flashing?

Fuck it, we’re not going to win anyways